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One night, sitting at their kitchen table over sushi and wine, Charlotte and her partner told me — in the same tone of voice you’d use to tell someone about a cool new restaurant — about a party they’d gone to the other night where they’d both had sex with other people. As of today they’ve been living together while seeing and sleeping with other people for going on five yearsand Charlotte’s story isn’t just fascinating for the obvious reasons (Are there rules?! And sure, while much of what she’s learned doesn’t apply to my own relationship (how to properly execute the “Eiffel Tower” position during a threesome pops to mind as one example), a lot of what she has to say would, I think, speak to any two human beings trying to navigate their way through life together.

The girl is I won’t be offended, but here: My partner and I call ourselves “open” — we’re in an open relationship, which essentially means we are in a relationship but we’re open to the shape of that relationship being nontraditional and freeform.

“Polyamorous” isn’t how we identify ourselves (and is a much-debated term), but what the word means in Latin — many loves — speaks to our experience.

many amazing, cool, brilliant, and beautiful women, in the world generally and specifically in our little community.

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Right now we both have a couple of long-term partners, and a couple of new and more exciting ones, and I’m personally exploring one particular new relationship that’s veering into “love” territory, which is crazy and amazing.

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We met when she was single, and over the years I watched her date around, then find a long-term partner, then move in with him. It turned out that they’d been exploring an open relationship for some time, having slowly come to realize that it was a lifestyle choice that they were both interested in. TELL ME EVERYTHING); it’s fascinating because I know this woman very, very well — and over the past few years she has And I do think that this transformation has occurred in part because of the confidence, perspective, and clarity about the meaning of partnership (and the importance of self-sufficiency) that her experiences have afforded her.

Charlotte is one of my closest friends, actually — someone whom I’ve known for years and years, and who I trust enormously, like family.